1. paulftompkins:

    “Well, I could just as easily say to YOU that you shouldn’t make assumptions about the names of business if you are ‘deathly allergic’ to anything. And since you asked soooo politely— I’m being sarcastic, FYI, you were quite rude— the more feline agents that are deployed in the domicile (these are all real words, look ‘em up later), the better the chance that all all pests will be, to coin a phrase, exterminated. AND FURTHER, this is not exactly my first time doing this, okay? I’ve been to another house this same month, and I can tell you from firsthand experience, cats go after termites like NOBODY’S BUSINESS, except mine, because this is my business. Now, I’m a decent person, so I won’t charge you for this, since you say your throat is ‘closing up,’ but I would ask that if any of my cats DO come out of hiding you will return them to me unharmed. And. Um. Can I use your bathroom? Okay, that’s fair. What? I’m sorry, you were a little gurgly there. The other house? Yes. It WAS my house. But you should have SEEN them!”

    Oh, Mr. F Tompkins, you’re such a card! Seriously though, love your style! =D

  1. bryannaxoxxox likes this
  2. plob218 reblogged this from paulftompkins
  3. drwhoismyboyfriend likes this
  4. attentiondoozers likes this
  5. mo-neek-a reblogged this from paulftompkins
  6. lalalove357 likes this
  7. rebeccadonovan likes this
  8. lekaabernardes likes this
  9. octorokcorkrod reblogged this from paulftompkins
  10. freecken likes this
  11. abbeybuck852 likes this
  12. gingerroottheft likes this
  13. ramonowsky likes this
  14. somethingfucking reblogged this from paulftompkins
  15. mydigitalhallucination reblogged this from paulftompkins and added:
    Oh, Mr. F Tompkins, you’re such a card! Seriously though, love your style! =D
  16. mydigitalhallucination likes this
  17. cecilytheawesome likes this
  18. lepusrex likes this
  19. claire-drew likes this
  20. claire-drew reblogged this from paulftompkins
  21. mfkopp likes this
  22. grindlebone likes this
  23. homethearmless likes this
  24. zhyljnn likes this
  25. ifeltyourshape likes this
  26. straightwodka likes this
  27. sitcom-munism reblogged this from paulftompkins
  28. igotyou-igotyoufirst likes this
  29. bangkokpapimorrissey likes this
  30. donrickles likes this
  31. aliuribe likes this
  32. afutiledread likes this
  33. comedydead likes this
  34. paulftompkins posted this